


Of Knights and Thieves

by GoodQueen



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22702210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodQueen/pseuds/GoodQueen
Summary: Written for @asoiafrarepairs prompt/dialogue event for dmchnknstI've mixed idea of Robin Hood, the name of Rob Roy McGregor and a traditional Northern Westeros name for the title of the "movie".Enjoy!
Relationships: Jaime Lannister & Sansa Stark, Jaime Lannister/Sansa Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 6





	1. Maid Sansa and her Knight

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dmchnknst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmchnknst/gifts).



Ygritte stormed into the hall.  
\- Where is my HUSBAND?!  
\- Ygritte, honey ...  
\- Don’t "honey" me, you bastard! What does THAT mean ?!  
Fiery redhead throwed the newspaper on the table.

*  
All this madness started because of a bunch of stupid pictures.  
They were just starting to shoot "Robert Roy", big production based on legendary medieval rebel, who took from the rich and gave to the poor and the crew had a little binge. Jon and Sansa played a pair, and because it was supposed to be her first kisses on the screen, the boys began to jolly ruthlessly at her that she would not have the courage to kiss Jon. Longstory short - she was provoked and apparently the paparazzi caught them fooling around. Properly cropped photos - without Theon and the younger historical consultant Ramsay, dying from the laughter of course - circulated the tabloid press and the internet.

Ygritte and Jon got married two months earlier and Ygritte threatened Jon to divorce and the producer a scandal if "they don't quickly fix all this mess."

The whole team was called. After a short brainstorm, Westeros HBO representative summed up.  
\- No problem, we have to arrange a date for Sansa.  
\- Why?! - the youngest member of the team was indignant. - For what?!  
\- He's right. - said Jaime Lannister, absorbed in the new dummy of the historical sword. He was already wearing a chain mail and a tunic with three lions on his chest, a neatly trimmed beard and golden hair combed in historical fashion, but modern enough not to look grotesque. - It will follow you through the whole picture.  
\- Great idea! - she hissed. - They'll make me a husband's thief first, then they'll make me a loose.  
\- Not if you make an appointment with Jaime! - a delighted producer clapped his hands. - Have you read the rankings from fan sites? They call you both...  
\- You must be crazy or want me to break the contract! - Sansa paled and literally ran out of the photo hall.  
\- What did I say?  
Theon and Ramsay laughed at the same time, soon they were joined by Pep, Gryn and the others, Robb Stark looked like he was going to kill him with a look, Jaime kept poker face and was watching the sword all the time, and Ygritte demonstratively made a "facepalm".  
\- Man, she's been in love with him since childhood! He must have driven away from her on the set of "The Last Dragon," and she has hated him ever since. - Robb finally explained as red as beet, because no one was eager to explain.  
\- I do not understand. This is wonderful! Just in time for a media story!  
\- You are crazy! Producer or not, you are talking about my sister!  
\- And that's why I don't work with Yara! - Theon resonated.  
\- Fuck off pal, my old man is wonderful and doesn't play the drama queen. - Ramsay replied cheerfully.  
\- Are you done? - Jaime growled. - Can we deal with serious matters? I would like to note that the main actress threatened to terminate the contract. I skip the fact that she is too young for such a sulks, but I'm not surprised at all. A bunch of fools, and I have to play nanny again ... If you weren't getting such good toys, I'd kick your ass. - He grinned at Ramsay and, with a true knightly gesture, sheathed his sword, turned on his heel and headed outside.  
\- What is this all about? - Ramsay was surprised.  
\- He finally divorced.

\- OHHH, well THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN!  
*  
\- Sansa? - A soft knocking sounded. - Sansa, I know you're there.  
\- Go away!!!  
\- Sansa, don't be a child, come out. Ygritte exaggerated, you don't have to date anyone, especially me.  
\- But you said ... no, go away! I'll make an appointment with Ramsay.  
\- Over my dead body and not during these photos! - He called cheerfully.  
\- You fell on your head?!  
\- Yesterday, from a horse, but not on my head and luckily there was no paparazzi. Come out, half of the plan hears us and the assistants look at me strangely.  
\- It's your turn, buffoon, so that the crew look at YOU strangely. She grunted, but slowly began to break.  
\- Guilty as charged, my lady.  
\- Don’t call me like that!  
\- Like what, my lady?  
\- Jaime LANNISTER!  
\- What, Sansa Stark?  
\- You're insufferable. - She sat on the bed.  
\- You know it and you love it. Listen, if you go out, I will spend whole day with you, take you for dinner and buy you a lemon cake for dessert.  
\- Doors are open. - she couldn't stand it, she laughed.  
\- Good girl! - He fell into the trailer in full gear and knelt on his left knee in front of her. - Will you forgive me that I was such an asshole?  
\- You are like an unruly boy who counts on getting out of trouble with personal charm.  
\- How well you know me ... probably the best of all fake girls.  
\- You never had a fake girlfriend.  
\- There always have to be the first time. - He gave her hand a flourish gesture and kissed her palm. - Shall we? - he pointed at the door.

They left the trailer chased with curious eyes and whispers.

\- Sansa, will I be able to count on false sex?  
\- When it all ends, I'll suffocate you, okay?  
\- Suffocate sounds interesting, but my kink relies on something else.  
\- I DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO THIS!


	2. Parley Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I guess I just wanted an easy start, I didn't wanted obvious choice - actors doing it just for PR or something else. Scene of jealousy was the next obvious choice. What's more, all Westeros showbusiness in my universum looks a little bit like Bollywood with all these families (like Khans or Bachchans) playing and filming each other ;)
> 
> Let's see, where this Valentine's challenge will take us ;)

\- Oh, Gods, girl, how do you look like?! Eyes all swollen! What did you tell her ?! - Shae pointed the sharp end of the comb at Jaime.  
\- Easy, easy! I've just asked her out. - he rised hands, still all-so-full of himself golden knight.  
\- You - what ?!  
\- OK, maybe not exactly. - he looked straight into the eyes of already furious Sansa’s wardrobe, hairdresser and makeup artist in one person.  
\- He said he would spend the whole day with me if I got out of the trailer and stopped crying. - Sansa sighed.  
\- I saw these pictures. Ygritte started on at you?  
\- No, on Jon and on the producer.  
\- Though enough. A much ado about nothing, I'd say, after all, she is an actress herself.  
\- But she met Jon on the set, you know how it is.  
\- No, I don't know, because I' dating the director, but people behind my back do not whisper every day that I work on the set just because I sleep with him and they never ask when he will "find me a role". - Shae's voice dripped with irony. - Better get used to it. Why are you standing here? - She snapped at Jaime.  
\- I'm waiting for Sansa to agree for a date. - He replied calmly, trying to control his laughter. He really wanted to watch Shae comb the beautiful copper mane and really wanted to take Sansa for dinner, but they didn't have to know about it either.  
\- They came up with us to arrange it. - Sansa rolled her eyes.  
\- Oh no. That's too much! - Shae jumped like a burned and, leaving Sansa with tousled hair, marched out of her wardrobe, calling in a loud voice - TYRION? I want to know WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!  
\- See what you did? You should't have kiss Jon! NO, NOT A TUNIC! Thanks, I appreciate it. - He added more seriously when she put down the container of colored varnish.  
\- Are you jealous because you didn't get the main role?  
\- You're able to create better retort. - He began to watch cosmetics with interest. - It has always fascinated me, like women ...  
\- Do not touch those, because Shae will come back soon and you will throw the crest under your rib and the skewer will go through the chain mail.  
\- I knew I should have taken my shield! - He tapped his forehead and they started laughing.

After a while, Sansa became serious. She looked into his eyes through the reflection in the mirror.

\- Jaime, I can't make it. I understand ... I was young, obtrusive, clumsy. I see ... - her voice broke. - I just still have a soft spot for you and ... I don't think I can do it.  
\- Hey, hey ... - he hugged her, she tried to separate himself from him with his arms, but she started to cry again and gave up after a moment.  
\- I'm sorry I was such an asshole then. I was silly, I didn't know how to handle sweet bobbysoxer.  
\- Don't apologize, you have ... you had a wife and I ...  
\- And you knew well that it wasn't going well between me and Cersei. We do not choose those whom we endow with affection. - She breathed, still shivering with tears, but he was still hugging her. It was actually quite pleasant, it did not cause him such panic as her previous puppy, intrusive adoration.  
\- Why didn't it work out? - She asked quietly.  
\- I think each of us wanted to rule and everyone cared more about the career than the relationship. I will not make the same mistake next time, I will not let the proportions be so disturbed. - He explained calmly and matter-of-factly.  
\- You sound like you're quoting a therapist. Maybe you can still get along?

He laughed.

\- Don't even ask me about therapists. As for my marriage it's very, very noble when you say something that, but it's impossible, but you also admitted that you have a soft spot for me, so why do you ask? - He murmured in a very confidential tone.

Before she could find any answer - it would be very difficult for her, with that empty head and a pounding, stupid heart - Tyrion stormed in.

\- Sansa, if you don't want to, we'll come up with something else! Oh shit! = He took a step back and bumped into Shae, who was on his heels.  
\- Leave you for 5 minutes, and you are already embracing the prettiest girl in the crew, save my wonderful wife, of course. - commented the director.

Sansa stiffened and wanted to pull away, but Jaime held her ...

\- Tyrion, has anyone told you that you could play a fantasy movie?  
\- Let me guess, because of the dwarf's height?  
\- No, mainly because of the dwarven sense of humor.  
\- I love you too, brother. Okay, what's going on here?  
\- You didn't come to check-in ...  
\- I KNOW that Ygritte made a scene because of this binge, I'm asking why Shae and the producer get me out of the meeting with technicians claiming that you made Sansa cry and then I find her in your arms?

Sansa didn't know where to look, but Jaime stubbornly kept his arm around her, and it would be a little difficult for her to gently free herself from her heavy biceps loaded down by a chain mail.  
\- It's ME, who made her cry?  
\- Apparently you said it would chase her?  
\- Will it not be?  
\- Exactly! = Shae interjected.  
\- What "exactly"? The remedy would be a fake date? And exacly with me?  
\- I don't know. But I'm directing, where, the hell, is PR department ?!

\- Listen to me carefully. I have already divorced, but I endured SEVEN YEARS, one therapy and one Cersei's rehab. We didn't jump down at each other's throat when it came to division of property, and that's a lot. SNOW is just married. He is a good boy, but in a women's matters as thick as a brick. If I made an appointment with Sansa, it's only because I like to spend time with her, and above all, only if she wants it, but make Snow stay away from her, because this week one scandal in the team is enough, and if I get the other boys out for new jokes, any PR won't help them.

Shae just raised her eyebrows and looked at Jaime like at a spider, which you may not need to punch with your shoe, but just throw it outside in the dustbin. Tyrion opened and closed his mouth twice and finally looked at his watch.

\- Holy shit, the technicians will kill me! I was supposed to be in the bombard tests in five minutes, it will take me seven to at least get there, and I will have to chew our newlyweds out along the way! Get ready, because I want to try to shoot scenes in Godswood and on the walls.  
\- Sansa, I'll find you later, all right? - Jaime stood up and winked at her.  
\- R-right, Jaime.

When they get out and left her with Shae, she asked:

\- Did he just say that ...  
\- That's what he said. Listen to the advice of a happy woman, married with another Lannister - I DON'T KNOW what this is all about, but keep him at bay as long as you can, understand?  
\- Yes of course.  
\- Don't smile like that! Play it right this time.  
There was a knock.  
\- Enter!

Ygritte entered the wardrobe, followed by beet-red Jon.

\- Sansa, honey, I wanted to apologize to you, if it help you with anything.  
\- Ygritte, honey, it was so stupid of me, I'm sorry! - they hugged each other. - I hope…  
\- Do not say anything! I don't blame you, I hope you knew it from the beggining, Jon shouldn't be fooled by boys, you know well, how mean they can be.  
\- Ouch, my ankle, yes, I'm sorry, it won't happen again ... I mean off plan, I mean ... I'm sorry. That was so stupid.  
\- It's all water over the dam. - Sansa replied strangely cheerfully.

Ygritte sensed something - well, in Snow's marriage she was definitely more subtle and perceptive. She looked first at Sansa, who shrugged and sank into her chair, then at Shae.

\- Jaime Lannister invited her on a date. - Shae couldn't stand it.  
\- ARE YOU JOKING ?! Jaime "Foookin" Lannister? "Prince Charming" Lannister ?! Westerland Honeycake Jaime?!  
\- Yes.  
\- I haven't agreed yet, and besides...  
\- Sansa, this is a very serious matter. You must play it well!  
\- But I'm not going to play anything!  
\- Don't shit me, you have been in love with it since childhood.  
\- Since I was a teenager...  
\- Whatever! But you have to keep him at bay.  
\- Shae already suggested that.  
\- Jon, don't you have a role to practice? I will go for coffee and notes! I'm so happy for you! We definitely need a plan!

Sansa closed her eyes. Ygritte became famous in their circle of relatives and acquaintances of filmmakers because of her statement made half an hour after meeting Jon Snow. She concluded, that she would marry him, just like that. One costume movie and three months later the press was circulated by photos of the overjoyed pair of couples.

Sansa may as well hang up a white flag as a sing of surrender.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really hope that all respective Jonsa Fans will forgive me, that in my fics Jaime still prevails ;)
> 
> I assure you, I haven't got a plan made a wonderful woman, Rose, a jealous hag in this or next chapters. I hope that you liked a refference to Rose and Kit's real marriage and you like my idea of not making Brave-Gentle-And-Strong Jon a puppy on Daenerys leash, but I'm not going to make things smooth for him.
> 
> By the way, I even have a idea for business/work-fic for both Jaimsa and Jonsa, I LIKED Daenerys, I have an idea for her too, but as you can guess, I'm not Joenerys shipper at all.


End file.
